This article is part of SELF keep it warm package, a collection of content that celebrates love and lust. Throughout February, we’ll give you tips and inspiration for feeling hot, getting horny, and nurturing romantic relationships.
If you’re looking for ways to make your sex life more exciting, you’ll likely come across a bunch of partner strategies, like trying new positions or playing with couples sex toys. Advice on mixing things up in the masturbation department, on the other hand, is harder to come by (pun very intentionally). It’s such a shame, because exploring self-pleasure is just as important, maybe even more!, than exploring sex as a couple.
Of course, many people have their sex moves solo and may not see the need to fix something that isn’t broken. For others, the shame around masturbation — a common sexual problem — can be a factor in getting out of it. However you approach your masturbation routine, there’s a need for a change of pace.
Learning a new technique might teach you something about your body or help you feel pleasure in a new way. And if you’re figuring out how to turn yourself on or achieve orgasm, a little sexual self-exploration might help you get there.
« Experimenting with new masturbation techniques is a way to discover important parts of what you like (or dislike), to stretch yourself sexually in a totally safe context, and to stay engaged with your body and your desires, which can change over time,” Carol Queen, sex educator and staff sex therapist at good vibes, says SELF. Just as you can get into a sexual rut with a partner, your masturbation routine can become stagnant, which can leave something to be desired, adds Queen.
Mixing up your methods can also show you how to have more flexibility in how you experience pleasure with partners, Casey Tanner, CLPC, CEO of Expansive Group, a queer-affirming sex-positive therapy practice, tells SELF. « If you always masturbate with a vibrator on your back, for example, your body may not have a framework for orgasm when you’re on top or when someone falls on top of you, » she says. . « The more you learn to relax in different positions and sensations in solo, the more likely you will be to orgasm in different positions during partnered sex. »
There’s no wrong way out, of course, and if you’re happy with your current moves (or lack thereof), you, uh, do it. But for those of you who are excited to shake up your masturbation routine, we asked 15 sex experts to share their top tips. Consider their advice your inspiration for masturbation.
1. Get to know your clitoris (it bears repeating).
We know it’s old news for most people who have one, but the clitoris may be the key to solo satisfaction: According to a 2017 survey of over 1,000 women published in the Sexual and marital therapy journal, three-quarters of people with vulvas say clitoral stimulation is either necessary for orgasm or enhances the experience. But if you haven’t taken the time to Really getting to know your clitoris is worth it because different people react to different kinds of touch. Some, for example, may prefer direct pressure, while others may prefer suction, Marla Renee Stewartsex expert for sex toy store Lovers and professor of women’s studies at Clayton State University, says SELF. « When it comes to figuring out what works best for yours, finding the right toy can help you in your exploration, » she says.
