Again, if you believe a family member poses an immediate threat to you (or your child, partner, or pets), you have every right to immediately cease all contact. If any of the additional examples above sound familiar, you may choose to refrain from interacting with them altogether, either for an extended period or temporarily, while you develop a plan to reset your limits and frequency. planned contact. As Tawwab writes in Free drama« Healthy boundaries give you peace even when the other person hasn’t changed. »
Is their behavior “toxic” or just annoying?
As Tawwab says, « Is this situation constantly harmful or is it just annoying? » For example, if you try to share bad memories from your childhood and your brother or sister always interrupts you to tell you or even other family members that you are lying and it never happened. product, it is harmful. But if they always interrupt you in the middle of a sentence because they have poor listening skills and it’s their turn to speak now? Their self-absorption is annoying and frustrating, and while that doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t say something, it’s not necessarily « toxic » behavior.
Learning to deal with the aggravating personality traits of others is part of life and, as Tawwab points out, « many people we like annoy us. » Some of the strategies outlined below — sharing how their actions make you feel or, if that fails, rethinking how often you see them — can also help you learn to accept non-toxic behavior, even if it’s extremely irritating.
Did I have a direct conversation with them about the issue(s)?
When someone has been in your life since the day you were born (or this day), they can assume they know everything there is to know about who you are. This can be a comfort in some cases; perhaps you were always encouraged by your grandmother’s observations of your artistic spirit, for example. But it can also fuel family dynamics that leave you feeling stifled and resentful.
Maybe you have a sibling who seems to enjoy sharing childhood stories that embarrass you. Or a mom who increases your weight even if you look to a birthday cake. Maybe your sister-in-law thinks that because you’re single and childless, she may show up on your doorstep on a Saturday with a last-minute unpaid babysitting gig. Whatever the situation, once you’ve identified a pattern you want to break, it’s time to speak up. By letting them know the effect their behavior is having on you, “we can give people the opportunity to change,” says Tawwab.
Remember that your chat ending is the only thing you can control here. « It takes some willpower on the other person’s part to admit, ‘I hear this, and here’s what I’m able to do about it,' » Tawwab says. But in truly dysfunctional families, she adds, people don’t even want to hear your grievance, let alone act. « They may say, ‘Hey, let’s move on,’ or try to make you think the problem is you, not the situation they’re creating, » she says.
