There is no such thing as a perfect education system.
There is no such thing as a perfect childhood either.
Thus, there is little chance that you will raise your children in the same way as your friends.
For example, you might be against using cell phones to get children to watch YouTube.
You may be against punishments or obligations imposed on children.
So your friends’ children may be behaving in ways you would never tolerate.
Your friends’ children might be doing things you would never allow.
But what are you supposed to do?
Do you have to react to this situation that you consider intolerable?
Do you have to take the risk of arguing with your friends for this reason?
When you have friends with kids, it’s only a matter of time before those kids are in your home or in your wake.
And then problems can easily arise. But you know what ?
You don’t have to let your friends’ kids run around your house just because they’re not your kids.
After all, you are trying to set a good example for children. You impose rules of conduct on your little ones and you explain to them that it is important for them to listen to you and follow your advice.
Everything you do is for their benefit. Even if they are too small to realize it.
So, you choose a mode of education that seems to suit your family and you want your children to respect it.
It goes without saying that you also cannot tolerate unhealthy, toxic or disrespectful behavior on the part of children around yours. After all, this sets a bad example.
Moreover, it makes your kids completely confused. Why do you allow others to run around and destroy your house when your own children do not have that right?
Do you love other people’s children more than your own?
Of course not ! But the little ones do not yet have the wisdom to understand.
You must therefore give warnings to put an end to these behaviors. But beware !
You should not warn the children of others.
You must notify the parents of these children. So, when you take responsibility for other people’s children, you need to stress to their parents that the children will have to follow your rules.
The reason why such a conversation usually does not take place when looking after someone else’s child is the subconscious belief of both parties that they have the same rules.
You are friends and you value each other, but that doesn’t mean you have the same approach to discipline and upbringing. Friends usually talk to each other about anecdotes with the children or their successes, not the rules of behavior in their house.
Which seems logical. Of course, you might have mentioned the fact that you don’t let your kids stare at a screen all day. But it was in a conversation going all over the place and your friends might have forgotten.
You don’t sit down with your friends to talk about different education techniques, and you don’t make them a list of things your children are allowed to do or not do.
Together you talk about your children’s progress, the funny things they’ve said or the fiascos they’ve experienced.
Yesterday Thomas tried to pour himself a glass of milk. He succeeded… There was milk in his glass… But there was more on the tiles in the kitchen.
This lack of discussion is quite normal. But it can create problems at your parties or when babysitting someone else’s child.
This can lead to annoying misunderstandings. In order to prevent them, you need to be honest and direct right away.
Asking to calm down or punish?
It’s important to distinguish between asking someone else’s children to follow your rules on the one hand and punishing them on the other. It is better to leave the punishment to their parents.
The time when parents take charge of their children is an opportunity to discuss possible enforcement issues with friends. It is a great opportunity for the two couples of parents to feel like a « team » which together solves the logistical problems.
If you don’t want to lose your friends because of your different education modes, you just need to have an open chat. You need to explain to them that when their children come to you, they must obey your rules.
Why ? It is not because you think you have the science in it. You just made choices in your role as a parent, whether good or bad, you want them applied in your home.
And if the kids who spend time in your home don’t play by your rules, your kids are going to be lost.
Why don’t the same rules apply to everyone?
And you are going to have a rebellion on your arms!
One thing is certain, even being a parent of your own child is not easy and mistakes are inevitable. Therefore, do not expect to be sinless towards someone else’s child and do not take charge of it either.
Read also : School and education of the 1970s and today: really progress?